____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
