does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
