I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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