Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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