i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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