It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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