Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
How external is "for external use only"?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
