ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize