I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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