Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
