Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
