If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
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