Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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