That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
