he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
