Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
