Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
