I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
