okay pat passed out under dana's car
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
