This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
