you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
