got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
ok first of all what the fuck
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
