I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
