Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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