I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
