3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
