he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
