i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
