Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
