We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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