Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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