Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
