She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
