I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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