Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
