Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
