my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
