She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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