Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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