wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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