My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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