Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
