sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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