I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
