you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
