I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
