Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
