i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
