You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
