Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
where are my eyebrows?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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