I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
