I smell stomach acid.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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