Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize