if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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