Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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