Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
