remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
