I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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