I want to have your abortion
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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