Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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