just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
