there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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