i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
