I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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