is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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