I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
there's paper in my vomit.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
