____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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