I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
