the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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