Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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