Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
