I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
