you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
