I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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