I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize