My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
