Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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