So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
