You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
